“I don’t think I ever realized how hard it could be to just keep going,” I said to my friend. She looked at me long and nodded her head, “I know,” she said. It’s not like there had never been hard moments, long days, or suffering. Of course there had been all of that. But sometimes in life, you’re going along and living it all the best you know how, as imperfect as some things might be, and you wake up in a tailspin that keeps spinning. Nothing you try slows anything down or makes anything stop and you realize –
there’s nothing you can do except keep doing the next thing. And doing the next thing can feel like it’s taking you down. And living in a tailspin you didn’t start and can’t stop – choosing to live in the broken hard that knocked on your door and interrupted your story – yeah, choosing to live will sometimes be the hardest work you will ever do.
The hard things I face are fleeting, but the purpose transcends – a deeper work is always being done.
I wrote those words in my journal a year ago. I believed in the words then, but I stare at them now – because I don’t just believe those words, I know they are true.
A deeper work is always being done.
They weren’t written from rose-colored glasses of hopeful naivete. Pain and death and sickness and rejection and hurt and unanswered questions and diagnoses and trauma and trial have all been part of my life. Who could say that suffering has not been a part of their story?
We are all living out stories that have been cracked by living in a world that is broken.
I know I don’t have to tell you that.
But some seasons of life are harder than others. Some wounds cut deeper than others. Some suffering is harder to bear, to accept, to face.
And when I wrote those words, it wasn’t that I hadn’t ever lived a path of suffering, but more that in the moment I wrote them – I couldn’t have imagined how my whole life would be cut open and gutted clean.
Choosing to live will sometimes be the hardest work you will ever do.
Sometimes you don’t have to move your location for everything else in your life to get up and move.
A year ago, I could have never imagined where I would be – in my life – on April 8, 2024. When an iconic moment in the history of our small town in northwestern PA earned some nationwide attention as being one of the localities in the path of solar eclipse “totality“.
Everyone was talking about the event for days, weeks, possibly even longer. People flocked to our area, out-of-state licenses popping up everywhere and no vacancies at the local hotels and even some campgrounds. Block parties were hosted, people made t-shirts, and some families and friends made it an all-day family outing and event.
Everyone slowing down and gathering to see the iconic moment where the moon passes between the sun and the earth.
It was a warm and mostly sunny day, we spent the day at home and grilled dinner. The baby napped through the afternoon excitement, but the rest of us donned our special eclipse glasses and took in the moment from our back porch, chatting with our neighbors.
This was at 3:18 pm.
This was at 3:20 pm.
My phone struggled to take a good picture of the experience. It was hard to capture how cool and dark it truly got. These pictures of my dining room are the closest thing and they don’t do it any justice.
For a brief moment it felt like nighttime quickly descended over everything. It went from being a warm day bright with sunlight to feeling like a cool and dusky evening.
While everyone marveled and talked about this event from the standpoint of wonder or scientific analysis, all I could think about was life and how this whole eclipse phenomenon was actually kind of relatable.
Sometimes you’re just clipping along on a normal day with normal things and normalcy and maybe the phone buzzes with a text you didn’t expect, or rings with a phone call you didn’t see coming, results that surprise you or news that doesn’t seem possible. You hear words you thought you wouldn’t ever hear – not like that anyways. Or maybe you approached a complicated situation with kindness and the best of intentions and had no idea how all of it would spiral in the worst way imaginable.
Sometimes you’re just clipping along, loving the sunshine on a normal day, and in a split second, your world is eclipsed. All the lights go dim. The moon hovers over the sun, snuffing out the light.
You look up and realize that the sunshine is gone and you’re standing in the shadows of totality.
The Cambridge dictionary says that to be in eclipse means “a period of time when the light from an object in the sky cannot be seen because another object has come between you and it.”
A period of time when the light cannot be seen.
Sometimes your life can get eclipsed.
I want to know…how do you live your one life well then?
I know what it is to live in the shadows and strike all the matches.
Open the Bible…again and again and again. Persistent seeking.
Kneel silently before God and tell Him you won’t get up until you hear His voice.
Discipline your body in fasting, reaching for that breakthrough.
Sharing the raw truth with your close people who will point you straight to the Truth and pray you through.
I know what it is to live in the shadows and strike all the matches –
and strike straight out of matches.
The joy of the Lord is not that we won’t or don’t experience heavy trials and experience dark times. 2 Timothy 3:12 even goes so far to tell us that, “Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.”
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us that we are blessed if we are insulted, persecuted and falsely accused and slandered.
Blessed?
How is this pain a blessing? How is this ridicule a blessing? How is this hurt a blessing? How is this accusation a blessing? How is this death a blessing? How is this conflict a blessing?
Sometimes it can seem as though we are just crawling our way out of a black hole, holding on for dear life and striking matches furiously, reaching and seeking and holding out for light.
It’s been a year over here that’s felt a whole lot like some kind of great eclipse.
And I’m here to tell you –
The darkest dark cannot snuff out all light.
Even in totality.
And when the sun sets and the sky turns black, the moon reflects the light that always is and cannot be hidden, even on nights when you can’t seem to find the stars.
Even when your whole life feels like it got eclipsed –
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)
I’ll shout it from the rooftop, louder for the people in the back.
Nothing can hide the Light.
It will reveal, expose, transpose, illuminate.
You there? Weary friend striking out on all the matches?
Stay in the Word, even if it feels like you are striking out. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet, and a light for my path.”
Keep fasting, keep praying, keep reaching, keep inviting your people to walk with you, the way God intended for you to live in true community.
In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul writes to the present weakness we live as human people and he points us to the hope we hold.
In light of eternity, we might be pressed on every side, but we are not abandoned, forsaken, crushed or destroyed.
“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 4:6
Lift up your eyes.
Look up and live.
It might be the hardest work you will ever do.
But trust me, when I tell you – when I repeat the words of the prophet Isaiah and tell you –
There are treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches.
Look up and live.
Lean in harder when it’s dark and don’t stop leaning in, even when the darkness lifts.
The God of the Universe calls you by name.
Sometimes life holds mountaintop views and the sweetest of pleasures, all good gifts of abundant life that is ours as the children of God.
Other times life holds unspoken prayer requests and wounded hearts and deep suffering, and dare I say that these too are good gifts of abundant life that is ours as the children of God.
Our treasure is not the absence of bleeding, brokenness or pain. Our treasure is Christ.
Anything that brings us near to Him, the One who gave His life so that we could have life – anything – is a gift.
Christ behind us, before us, beside us.
Christ in us, the hope of glory.
We live, in light of eternity, for He has set eternity in our hearts & He makes everything beautiful in His time.
“I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.[g]
I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. “
– Ephesians 1:18-20
beautiful captivation 