I wish I knew how it started, because it’s ruined too many beautiful moments in my life.
Stolen time right away.
Drained and sucked it all up – the energy and joy of messy, real-life living.
And I don’t even know how.
There’s not a defining moment, or at least I can’t think of one. All I know is that there’s a full planner and there’s been a full planner for the last three plus years and I want to know how do you take the time to breathe?
I just wanted to live intentional. You know what I mean?
I love spontaneity, but I started feeling alone. Relating in almost every relationship on impulse leaves you feeling lonely. I embarrassed myself forgetting important events or appointments, one too many times. I frustrated myself everyday with the looming question, “What do I make for supper?” that just made me loathe cooking even more.
So I got myself a planner – a cheap one with big slots for every day – and I started keeping track of my life. Piano lessons on these days, babysitting on these days, Bible study here, chili for supper there.
And three plus years of hardcore plannering later, I’ve made a startling and sobering discovery.
You can track your life with a planner or a planner can keep track of you.
It hits me the day I’m rushing from preparing supper to watering the house plants to rescuing the baby from his daring venture of climbing the gate blocking the stairs, all while listening to my voicemails, that if idle hands are the devil’s workshop, maybe busy hands, the hands that never still, are the devil’s distraction?
John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
There’s a ditch on both sides of every road you walk. And the thief came to steal and kill and destroy, and don’t you think for one second that keeping your hands from idleness will save you from destruction.
Some people destroy themselves and we undo ourselves with all the doing if we forget to live.
We undo ourselves with all the doing.
I meet Jesus, walking three miles into the sunset with Leo bouncing in the stroller. My ear buds are in and I’m stepping to the rhythm of music, but I’m thinking about God and my planner and this crazy life I live.
And this is the life.
When I stop striving and let Him live in me.