When You Feel Alone

The third day I was sick, in a row, the baby cried almost every five minutes.

At least it felt that way.

He cried because he couldn’t figure out how to sit back down after he stood up.

He cried because he got stuck halfway between the point of sitting down and standing up.

He cried because he fell over and banged his head. (This happened many more times than once.)

And at the end of the day, I just want to run to the basement and hide, because I haven’t felt good all day long, but mothers barely have time to rest when they have busy babies who are constantly toppling onto their heads.

I’m kind of at my wits end.

And I feel terribly alone, like I’m just on my own with this one.

To top it off, I’m the lady who gets desperately passionate about issues I care about, issues that matter, and writes daring blog posts my husband kindly cautions me against posting. At least for the moment. (I’m rash and he knows it.)

And I feel terribly alone, wild with my desperate passion and dangerously close to strangling truth.leafinwater

There are all these people out there who say they are my friends, it is almost utterly ridiculous how many people claim an acquaintance with me, and yet when it comes to being known? I don’t really want to answer that question.

Because the truth is, a lot of the time, I feel alone, not known.

Even when I’m with people.

And part of me really cares, because I want to be known, and then part of me doesn’t care because it feels like too much work to even get there, to that point of being known in a relationship.Renee3

Well then, there’s the whole story of me not having kids and all that doctoring I do to stay on top of my seriously out-of-wack hormones and people don’t get that either.

“You mean, there’s not a cure?”

“Huh?”

And sometimes when I try to explain what I’m going through I get the feeling really quick that they have no idea what to say, so the conversation quickly moves on and I feel –

alone.

I’ve been around long enough to know you have your stories too. All the ways you feel left-out, forgotten, overlooked, frustrated, and totally alone.

“The fact of the matter”, as the gray-haired preacher in my church likes to say, the fact of the matter is that our symptoms are what’s different. We’re really all facing the same thing. reflectionfloweratpophamView from front porchIMG_8244I wish there was a formula. Like “Ten Ways to Heal Aloneness”.

There’s this song. I’ve heard it many times, sung different ways.

In Christ alone, my hope is found.

Maybe you know it too?

Even when I’m alone, I’m in Christ.

In Christ alone, and I’m alone in Christ.

It’s the last verse that calls me. Haunts me.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

– Stuart Townend

Jesus didn’t bother giving tidy formulas in pretty packages to align our lives by. Instead, He gave us Himself.

And by the power of Christ, in Christ alone, we’ll stand

sometimes alone, but alone in Christ, in Christ alone.

And this is how we live and move and have our being –

in Him. 

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10 thoughts on “When You Feel Alone

  1. “I feel terribly alone, wild with my desperate passion and dangerously close to strangling truth.

    Because the truth is, a lot of the time, I feel alone, not known.

    Even when I’m with people.”

    Renee, sometimes I think you & I share a brain/heart. No more words. Just. Love from here.

  2. Renee- I love and concur with your conclusion to this post. I have a few things to say about my own journey of feeling ‘alone’.

    1. we’ll all feel it sometimes about something
    2. I feel it is Satan’s #1 tactic to discourage me (no one else faces this, no one will understand….in fact, they think I’m totally crazy…)
    3. It feels good and right to be fully known by God and by people. However, I can’t be fully known by every acquaintance I have. (I’m not promoting hypocrisy here!!) It is important to have people in my life who do know, I mean, really!!! know!!! me (not only for the purpose of understanding me but also to hold me accountable and to call me to be a full person in Christ).It has brought me rest to know that I do not have to strive for that level of relationship with the entire population of the world. 🙂

    I’m sure these aren’t new ideas for you.
    I hope this doesn’t sound preachy, because I really do not mean for it to be that way.
    I hope that you’re feeling better physically and regaining strength.
    I pray that you will be blessed today with friendship that meets the deep needs of your soul.
    And above all else, I pray that your strength would come from Christ ALONE!
    Love you,
    Shaunda

  3. I truly can relate to your feelings of aloneness. I do struggle much with that. Psalm 91 blesses me. I love you. You are not alone.
    Mom

  4. Hi Shaunda,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Just a few words of clarification:

    1) I don’t want all of my acquaintance to really know me. 🙂 NO way. I just find it ironic sometimes, how so many people say, “I know her!” blah-blah-blah…and it’s like, “Do you?” Plus, I have run into a multitude of experiences where people thought they really knew me and they were way off the charts. I think that’s more of what I am referring too…not a desire to be known by all. 🙂

    2) I think feeling alone can be a tactic of the Enemy, however I also think it is a reality of living. My husband and I were talking about this last night – there are just places in every heart that are really only FULLY known by the Lord. It isn’t that we’re trying to hide from people or keep things from them, but some times there aren’t words or gestures or explanations and even the people who love us most and know us best don’t quite “get it”. But God ALWAYS sees.

    Hope I make sense…and thanks for sharing your heart.
    Love,
    Renee

  5. Aw, I am so sorry! Being sick as a mom is hard work.

    I know this wouldn’t make it all better, and I may not even be the right person… but I would’ve truly loved to watch your baby for a few hours so you could rest, or sit with you over tea if you needed to talk. Call me next time?

  6. I get this Renee…and I’m sorry you feel alone. That’s such a horrible thing to have to feel.

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