There are things I know in my head and it’s not enough.
Because storms will always rage and things will get said, words that cut deep and sear hot across the flesh of your heart. And knowing something in your head will give little comfort when your whole form is bent under and pressed down, discouraged.
How do I not grow bitter under circumstances like that? How do I still have faith in the Truth? How do I still have faith in God’s opinion of me, that I am His own blood-bought, redeemed and continually being sanctified woman of God?
I struggle. I wrestle. It’s so easy to have theology and not live theology.
So I wrote in my journal, that entry marked July 24th, 2013.
Then I went to check the towels on the line. There they hung, all sun-dried and crisp, flapping in the summer breeze. It was then I thought it, as I fingered the line-dried linens and breathed in blue sky and afternoon sunshine, Living your theology is as simple as hanging up laundry.
We make following Jesus harder than it is when we forgot to come to Him as a child and the simple, radical faith gets lost under the dogmas of our calculated theologies.
I keenly feel all this complexity because I know what it is to come smack-up against the calculated theology and fall short.
But isn’t it this falling short and never quite being what I (or everyone else) wants me to be, that brings me again to the foot of the cross, and isn’t this where I want to be? Drawn to my Savior?
This week I’ve just been living, like I do every day of the week. Hanging my laundry on the line, wiping woodwork and sweeping floors, talking to people in my town, pleading with God for His redemption in my heart, yearning for revival in the church. And everyday I make that choice, sometimes with confidence and sometimes so falteringly, to believe God and walk in the Spirit, not fulfilling the lust of the flesh. It is this decision that marks my life and empowers everyday that I live.
When I clothespin my towels to the line and throw ingredients in the blender and direct the attitude of a three-year-old, I do it in the name of Jesus. The truth is? Having a theology alone is not enough, because it is the everyday living that speaks and that matters for eternity. It is this that I rest in, the knowing that one can always stand, with head held high, when one lives what they believe in day in and day out, everyday, rising again when they stumble in their humanity…enabled completely and relying solely on the steadfast grace of Him who is always enough.