My body has been tense with stress for over two weeks. My mind has pondered at a constant pace, thoughts all frayed and loose and knotted. I have been so weary and most often confused and absolutely uncertain.
There have been so many times that I wanted to go back to bed so I could close my eyes, shut down my mind and close off the world and all the demands on my time. (And my heart.)
I want to stop being faced with decisions (especially big ones, thank-you). How can you be faced with so many big decisions in so short a time and keep it all together? For just one day, I want to just wake up and breathe and not have to think beyond what I’m going to make for supper.
And the things we’re facing? It’s decisions that could change our life forever. Church stuff that could alter the whole direction of our church and maybe how ministry is done. Choices that affect relationships in deep ways.
Life suddenly feels big and it looms heavy, this wanting to live well.
Why is it that I feel alone when God is right here, Emanuel ~ God with us?
In Isaiah 26, this God – this Emanuel, God with us – He says that He will keep us in perfect peace if we keep our mind stayed on Him.
And I see it everywhere, the goodness of God proclaiming that He is with us.
[I wrote these words an hour before a phone call and days before we sat as a church and talked about life, and now? I re read these words on the other side of it all – and this wrangling and searching, and this realizing that He is alive and with us – it is all the more clear.]
All the more clear and all the more beautiful…all around us.