After the lights go out and you sigh between the sheets…sometimes that’s when reflection really happens. Last night I pulled the covers up to my chin and sighed. I started praying out loud. At first my eyes started watering. Then I started crying.
A whole world of thoughts flitted through my brain. A whole world of dreams called my name. Unearthed parts of myself recycled in the swirling, churning waters of life’s river. I am serving other people. This is a noble calling. God wants me to live in community.
I’ve said those things. Lived those things. Now I’ve regurgitated those things.
How many times do you have to ask God to show you the Truth? How many times do you have to cry tears of sorrow? What do you give up? What do you embrace? What do you say when you live your life in the thrust of challenging comments, like: Don’t be individualistic. God called you to exist in community.
For every question that’s posed of me, I ask ten more. The call is to create a culture. What culture? Whose culture? Who invented the culture? Who embraced the culture? Where did culture come from? How is culture relevant – to us, to Jesus, to the world? How important is culture? Furthermore…what is culture? God called me to exist in community. What is community? What is unity? How does community act? What does community say? How does community live? Is unity uniformity? Is uniformity community?
“Lord, who did YOU create me to be?” My heart pleading for an answer to that question. I’m embraced with the answer. I created YOU to be YOU. Renee – love…you are MINE.
Yours, mine, ours? His.
My heart sings. I am enraptured with the sacredness of those words. Jesus wants me to live as His daughter. Jesus doesn’t care if that makes me awkward. Jesus smiles at awkward. What is that? Individualistic? Jesus made me to live in the lives of other people. He formed me to live out of the abundance of my personal, intimate relationship with Himself. A personal commitment with corporate manifestations.
I am created and fashioned by the Great Creator. He reforms who I am through others, yes…but mostly? Through Himself. He wants me to be creative, inspired and innovative. He wants me to be His.
Whispers of identity whisk conniving thoughts away. Who am I?
I am HIS.